I’m Such a Wertz

One only has to live for a couple of days as a Wertz to know the irony that it is to be a Wertz. Thankfully for Sarah, she was able to shed the moniker, and hopefully be able to live long enough to forget all the pain of being a Wertz…sorry Jacob, your stuck with it.

So as you know, I love driving in the more challenging driving environments. New York City, San Jose Costa Rica, Vancouver BC…you know some of the big ones. I approach driving in these areas much the way a team prepares for an assault on a mountain…training, preparation, testing reflexes and all. Obviously driving in Ireland is like tackling Mt. Everest in Flip Flops…nothing prepares you for everything being bass ackwards. But I have been…well masterful to say the least. I have tackled the major hiways, the crowded city streets, the country village, the one way back downs, the parallel parking on the opposite side, the endless round abouts….put it this way, if I were in the Olympics I would have Gold Medaled in the Decathlon. But like every stellar athlete, I had an Achilles Heal.

After a backtracking 20 miles because I forgot my credit card at the gas station, a minor Wertzflooper, we headed out towards Slane Castle. Down country roads right out of a Irish picture book. Beauty everywhere. In a typical Wertzian maneuver, I was looking at the forest and missed the trees. There was the road to Slane Castle in my rear view mirror. A simple three point turn. On a quiet country road. Who would have ever guessed such a little common maneuver could take down the giant. A David and Goliath moment. Who knew under the little grassy edge of the road would lurk such a foe…a 500 year old curb made of ancient stone. The new plastic cars are no match for 500 year old curbs. It seemed so insignificant a little bump at the time. But after an hour of driving things began to unravel…plastic parts began to rattle and fall off…weird noises began to get louder and louder.

I assured Mimi that all is well, no worries (she wasn’t buying it). But we made it back to our hotel and discovered it was a little worse than I thought. Fenders were misaligned. Plastic pieces were flopping around. Fiberglass was scratched. It wasn’t  pretty.

So there I lay…on my back…repairing all the damage…painting the fender with my Sharpie…thank God we got a black car…we think it passed the inspection…its just what Wertz’s do. We Wertz’s are a long line of back-layers…artists in our own right…not the kind you will ever see hangin on a wall…that is unless we make a wrong turn in our rental cars. I’m such a Wertz!